I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
