I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
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