dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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