if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
