WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
