Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
of course. lets lasso hookers.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
