my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
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I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
