if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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