in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
