Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
