Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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