I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
