You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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