i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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