dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
