So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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