me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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