I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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