you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
