You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
