I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
