Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
