I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
