WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
