if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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