Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancรฉ called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... ๐ฏ๐๐๐
Do I even want to know?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
