So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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