i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
