I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
