Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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