So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
