We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
