Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
