I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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