how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
