Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
