yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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