If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
