you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Randomize
