he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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