there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
