...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
