so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
i've created a new STD.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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