I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Pooping to opera.
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