i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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