Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
