@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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