Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I just googled if crying burns calories
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
