guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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