your thong is hanging out like whoa
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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