Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
