I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
