and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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