he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
