why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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