Got a toothbrush?
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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