All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
is that a dick in a sweater?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
