If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
