As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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